i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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