i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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