I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
