I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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