That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
