I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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