the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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