I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
