please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
