What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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