Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
