Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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