I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
