This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
