It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
