my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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