btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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