so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
