sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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