no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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