I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
