My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
