For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
