I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
