What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
