I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
