....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize