Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
