I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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