It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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