I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
