so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
