So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize