I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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