am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize