Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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