this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
