I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize