you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
