Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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