I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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