im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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