Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
