you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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