i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
