u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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