It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
