ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
