tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
