Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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