Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
