there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
