There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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