I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
