I hate your face
dude i'm inner monologue high
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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