Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
