I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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