Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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