if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
