U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i've created a new STD.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
