She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
