just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
